The Grace to Love

Photo by Zhipeng Ya on Unsplash

Do not wonder at the works of a sinner, but trust in the Lord and keep at your toil;

for it is easy in the sight of the Lord to enrich a poor man quickly and suddenly.

Sirach 11:21

While I have worked very hard to achieve success at various times in my life, I have never worked for success in my spiritual life. It's been my idea, that if I pray for it, then God should grant it. This has seemed only natural. If I want to be healthy and stay in shape, then I have to eat right and exercise. Obviously, God is not going to just make that happen for me. Since I can't see the spiritual side of my life, though I haven't done much more than pray to God to make good things happen. This strategy has proved very frustrating. God has not miraculously removed my habitual sins nor has he miraculously caused me to trust entirely in His Divine Providence. He has been surprisingly obtuse.

Or so it has seemed. Rather, God has been teaching me, that I have to work as hard or harder at my spiritual life as I do my temporal life, if I want success. I go to a gym to lift or to a park to walk and to a grocery store for wholesome foods. Sitting in my house wishing for any of that gets me nothing. I've learned there are certain places I have to go to receive the grace I need for conversion. Christ did His part, when He died and rose from the dead. He has made available to me all of the grace I want in His Church, but I can't just sit on the sofa wishing for it. After all, I have spent the better part of a lifetime gorging on filth. How big of a habit is that to break?

It's about more than breaking a habit, though. I exercise and eat right for myself. I want to feel good and to be able to get through the day without feeling like a slug. Breaking out of habitual sin is different. Similar to the reasons I take care of my body, I indulged in habitual sins to feel good. Habitual sin, being contrary to the Will of God, reveals, that my love of myself is greater than my love for God. Yes, I want to break out of habitual sin, because I want to feel better about myself, but there is more.

I am not a good god. I'm a horrible god. To be in a relationship with myself as my own god has simply never gone anywhere good. It nearly lost me everything. At the same time, God has never left me. He's sustained me through the most horrible times of my life and still does. He's performed a few minor and a couple of major miracles, because either life or I had gotten me into some very tight places. He's sustained and nurtured those I love despite my flaws and failings. While I had been worshipping myself, God has been loving me. This love has become so compelling, that I no longer want to walk away from it. My sins, as fun as I thought they were at the moment, have been no more substantial than a mirage. Besides, I am where I am today, largely because I freely and willingly chose to pursue my sins over and against my faith and God's love. I want to overcome my habitual sins, so I can be free to love the God, who has so loved me.

Rather than filling myself with filth, I can take the opportunity to fill myself with the grace of God, which is the relationships of love existing among and between the Divine Persons. It only makes sense. If I want to love God, allowing God to fill me with His Love, which is existence itself, is the best course. Fortunately, Christ's sacrifice makes grace readily available within His Mystical Body through the sacramental life of the Church, Sacred Scripture, prayer and acts of penance.

Getting myself to these sources of grace is where the effort comes in. Attending a weekday Mass, for example, takes effort, especially since I'm used to doing otherwise. Turning off the TV or getting off YouTube to spend my time reading Sacred Scripture takes effort, especially since it's so much easier to surf media. The effort I put in now, though, will eventually become a new habit: loving God with all I have. The strongest and most intimate relationship I can have with God is what I want, after all.